Dear You,
You may wonder why I’m writing this. I’m wondering why I’m writing this. It’s been one month since you left. One whole month. And all I can ask is, why. Why did you leave me? I don’t understand. You promised me no matter what you’d never leave. But you did. You left.
You were my best friend of 2 years. 2 freaking years. I fell in love with you the day I met you and kept it myself because you had a girlfriend and I respected that. It took me until April 8th, 2015 to actually tell you I was in love with you and when I did, I expected you to hate me and to never talk to me again. But you didn’t you started flirting. You started talking, hell you drove 3 and a half hours to see a concert and spend the whole damn weekend with me. I told you I had problems. That I had severe anxiety and I will say things I don’t mean. You knew that going in and said you could handle it. That weekend when you left, you left a small bottle with a letter that took forever to get out. It was your way of saying “I love you” and it was the most romantic thing anyone has ever given me. You told me you saw an everything with me. Was all that just a lie?
When your mother found out you were with me, she wasn’t the happiest. Infact she didn’t talk to me for 3 months, which internally killed me because I adored her with everything I had in me. But when you chose me over her, it was honestly the most amazing thing ever considering you’d never choose anyone over her. I thought you were the real deal. I stayed even though it was really tough at times, I stayed because I was in love with you. You were my person. My everything, and dammit I want you back.
In August I took you to see my father. I’d never done that. My own best friend of 3 years hadn’t even gone out there with me. I’ve never taken a soul out there. Until you. I brought you out to see him. I showed you a side I haven’t even shown my own family. But you, it came so natural. And I’m glad I got to share that with you, because you mean a lot to me. I showed you a side of me that was so vulnerable and you. You made me feel secure with telling you that side. Where is that guy?
School started and you started to change so much. Then 2 months later you had landed yourself a job. You went from talking to me always to ignoring me and making plans with other people or sleeping or helping out all the time at the local high school. You basically left me behind for a new life. I lost you. We argued and most of the time, and I blame myself for that. We spent more time arguing than actually hanging out and I know I’m partial to blame. I was jealous. Jealous I could never see you, jealous that you had a new group of friends and I wasn’t included. Jealousy took over in me because I was so used to spending all my time with you. I was used to always being with you, and you always answering me. People gave me advice, told me to give you space and to not blow your phone up 24/7. I’d listen for 24 or 48 hours but I couldn’t help it. I had to text you, I mean for God’s sake you were my best friend. I told you everything. But everything else and everyone else were more important. She was more important.
Then that night, when I thought everything was just fine and you were just tired, You broke my heart in a Wendy’s parking lot. Said I deserved someone who could give me time and had more energy etc.. You gave me all these excuses as to why you weren’t good enough for me then told me I needed to change. Yeah I knew I had a lot to work on with myself. And I was working on it and still am to this day. But you never said you had a lot to work on. You said I had a lot to work on. But the truth is, you’re immature. You’re a child. And I know that you need to work on your communication skills. I also believe you still love me and you got scared. Because you have never been in love. Just be honest. I promise you I’m okay with it.
But then 2 weeks later I met you. We talked. Talking lead to more than just “talking”. And since then you haven’t called me. I know. I felt it too. I’m still in love with you and telling you these things hasn’t been easy. I go from being incredibly angry and wanting to have never told you how I felt, to sad and depressed aka not leaving the bed all day. Most days I don’t feel a whole lot. Losing you was as bad as losing my father. And basically every single Taylor Swift breakup song is relatable. That’s how I know it’s bad.
But I do have a question, you said you’d consider trying again in a few months. Do you ever think about me? Because I think of you every single day. I have moments where I can smell you. Yeah I know crazy. I still sleep in your shirt. Like literally every night I sleep in it. I still have your favorite sweatshirt and zip up sweatshirt. And I still have your favorite button down even though I threw it in the lake the night we broke up. I got it the next day and washed it. Still it smells like you. I also took off the necklace you gave me 9 months ago. Which was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. So I’m asking you to come back. Let me wake up from this terrible nightmare. Love me. Because I’ll always love you. No matter what you’ve done. I’ll always love you.
Love,
Me.
hoplessromantic 